This is something that has bothered me for a very long time. You would think that the queer community would be more aware of the privileges we do and do not have based on our race, class, education, etc. Shockingly, I find that ignorance has no boundaries no matter your minority status.

The queer community is reflected in our media as affluent white gay men and lipstick lesbians. Queers United wrote a post on their blog the other day about how the latest issue of the Advocate is the most diverse by far (and by diverse they featured more lesbian couples, trans-folk and queers of color). 

So it’s no surprise that gay white men are the most visible in our community. What gets me though is how this plays out in our own small communities. We find ourselves playing into these stereotypes and segregating ourselves from one another. Maybe our priorities are in the wrong place or our messaging is just totally whack.

I receive emails from the local gay “online community & resource center” and almost every email I receive, I am being asked for money or being invited to events that cost more than I can afford. I understand the need for organizations like the Human Rights Campaign to fundraise (aka call me every month asking for money), because they are a large organization that has the power to influence on a national level. But my local “online community & resource center?” That’s what grants are for. Where does that money go anyway? And why do they need me to pay to become a member when they are also getting businesses to buy sponsor packets so they can market their products to me?

I have seen one-sheets that are being handed out to businesses explaining to them the reasons WHY they should market to LGBT people by describing our “spending habits”. Do these so called “gay-friendly” businesses really support us or do they just want our money?

The reality is that the majority of the LGBT community isn’t loaded with indisposable incomes. Previously on Be Yr Own Queero, we wrote about the gay affluence myth which revealed that lesbian, gay and bisexual people are more likely to be poorer than their heterosexual counterparts.

I don’t understand capitalism. Maybe it is a generational divide but I don’t want to PAY to be a part of the gay community. This is the very reason my friends and I started groups like Be Yr Own Queero and Be Yr Own Hero. We’re tired of only being seen as money signs rather than important members of the community. Trust me, throwing events that bring the community together CAN be done without thousands of dollars. Take a look at Be Yr Own Hero Fest. We have NEVER asked anyone to pay to be a part of it. Everything is free and local business choose to align with us and donate to us because they believe in what we are doing. This year we are throwing FUN-raiser parties in order to help those traveling in from out of town. This is what community should look like.

So please, if you are active in your community, you need to do more than just reach out to people who have money. You need to do more than to just reach out to people because you WANT their money. One day all your money will be gone, but you will still be just as gay as you were before. If you want to create a real community, you need to talk to people and hear their stories and see what works best for them. It’s hard, but there are ways to include everyone if you just try.