Step 3: Don’t Be A Skank

If you skipped ahead to find out about hooking up when I introduced dating in Step 1, then you are probably a skank, and this step will be especially difficult for you. A skank is solely interested in measuring his/her/zer attractiveness by gettin’ busy with everyone they find moderately attractive (and even some they don’t). Dating and relationships are an important part of your queer life, so make them count. Having multiple sexual partners is not a crime (except in Tulsa), but always make sure you’re safe. Never let anyone pressure you to have sex without a condom, even if they seem perfectly clean. Who knows what dwells in another’s sexual fluids? It’s one of those mysteries better left unsolved, like The Case of the Crusty Tubesock in the Back of Your Brother’s Dresser.

When it comes to role models, queer relationships are sorely lacking because many of us grew up in heterosexual households and have little reflection of our desire in mainstream media. You need to be very picky about who you let influence you. Queer as Folk and The L Word, although titillating and endearingly melodramatic, are thoroughly removed from reality and are not shining examples of the power of queerdom. Likewise, RuPaul is not the poster child for transgender people. He’s the poster child for RuPaul, and sometimes sequins.

A special word of caution for bi-gals and lesbians: Katy Perry is not a role model. She is not empowering. She is an omen. It is a blessing to be able to kiss another woman, whether shapely or slender, and exploitative dips into lipstick lesbianism (that were more relevant and actual in 1995 when done by Jill Sobule who actually likes kissing women) are not admirable, no matter how much Out Magazine wants you to believe they are. Any girl who sees you as a commodity to kiss for the thrill of experience and nothing else should be kicked to the curb. And if you see Katy Perry, just kick her. (But make sure it’s not Zooey Deschanel first.)

Kevin Sparrow is a queer writer living in Chicago. Currently, Kevin is the editor of Cul de sac Magazine, an online blog dedicated to social justice and cultural analysis from an LGBT perspective.