I’ve wanted a short haircut for a long time now. The only thing stopping me has been the strong force that is my dad. I’ve brought the subject up on numerous occasions, and it has always ended badly. More recently, however, I have felt more confident and decided to bring it up again. It didn’t go so well today.
Here were my arguments: It’s not an impulsive decision, I’ve wanted short hair for months now. How will I know what it looks like if I never do it? I’m prepared for the worst, which is a haircut that looks bad. In this worst-case scenario, I wear a hat for a while and it grows back. Big deal.

Then came the counterarguments: You’re shooting yourself in the foot in the financial world. People are going to look at you funny. People will think you’re a boy. I quote, “If you want to walk around looking like an idiot, that’s fine, do what you want. But I won’t be seen with you.”

The part that hurts my core most is that my dad said he doesn’t want me to “make a statement.” He thinks that lesbians who look like they are gay are shoving their views down other people’s throats. He doesn’t want me to be seen at his business with short hair because it is “a reflection” on him. He doesn’t want to be seen in restaurants with me. He doesn’t like the way I dress…

My argument, which I can’t get through to him, but have talked to my mom about: a) what does it mean to look “lesbian?” I know straight people who look gay and gay people who look straight. b) So what if I want to make a social statement? What’s wrong with people knowing you are a lesbian? So do you want all gay people to be closeted? It’s only okay to be gay if straight people can’t tell? What if I want other gay people to notice? And then he talked about the business he owns, and how he doesn’t want his employees to see me looking “that way.” Are you saying that if your employees are maybe doubting my heterosexuality in their heads, that they will automatically think that their boss is…? A bad person? A bad father? A bad employee? What? Why would having a daughter who “looks” gay (ummmm, and is gay,) mean that his employees lose respect for him? Or me for that matter? Why is it such a crime if people walking down the street can sense that hmm, maybe that person is gay?

Sorry for the rant. It’s all fresh in my head. But back to the more selfish end of my curiosity. What do I do? I am thinking of doing it anyway and just learning to deal with him. My mom would rather me not do it, just to keep him quiet. I don’t like that idea, but I’d also feel really guilty for coming between their marriage if it came to something like that. After my lecturing her, she retreated to say, well, maybe you could just….get it a few inches longer than you’d like and settle with that. Do I settle for some middle ground or do I do it anyway? It’s not like I’m talking buzz cut here.

Nicole E. is a physics major at UNC, which means nerdy in the best way, but her social life means music and dancing. If you put an animal near her, she will pet it, and if you say hello, she will talk. Be deliberate!